Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
