great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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