It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
