My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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