Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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