hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
how does that bad decision feel?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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