it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
