she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
