I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
