its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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