only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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