she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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