what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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