this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize