There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
