i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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