just come out here and I will go home with you...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
