You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
this is an emotional support booty call
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
