She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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