i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
