i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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