if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
