Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
where does the pee come out of this thing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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