Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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