How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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