Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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