they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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