Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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