i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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