I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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