She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize