Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
