Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
