PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
