I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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