i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im calling her cock vulture from now on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
