Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
