I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
