i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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