Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
