She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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