I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
