the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i already hear my dad disowning me
i came on her dog
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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