My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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