what if every blade of grass was a penis?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
