Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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