I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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