I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
