i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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