trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
