So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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