i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
