She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
