found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
