I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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