I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
