I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
