Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
ok first of all what the fuck
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
