make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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