Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
