Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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