I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
