My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
