Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
