I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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