wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
